She tapped her foot, only clad in a sock, on the kitchen floor. Her skirt was made of pink tulle and formed a drastic dichotomy when compared to her unevenly shaven legs. She tried to convince herself that today was a day like any other–a day where she tried to pass the time of her medical leave by watching cheesy made-for-TV movies on Netflix, attempting to learn Latin with Rosetta Stone, reading any book she could get her hands on, or grocery shopping with her mom.
All of the thoughts she had locked away danced around her at once. She thought about social norms, and how no matter how many diets she went on, mindless TV shows she watched, or conversations she had, she never seemed to fit them. She wondered why despite the circularness of the world, people found every reason to disconnect from one another. She wondered why many people slapped bandages over their wounds just to feign normalcy, but it is only human to feel pain. She wondered why some people treated life like a game, even though the prizes they won like money, fame, and power would eventually turn into a rusty old memory.
She thought of life like a masquerade, where people danced around elegantly, trying to catch someone else’s eye. Everyone seemed to forget that even if they caught someone’s eye, at the end of the night they would either have to leave, never to see their lover again, or unmask themselves and reveal the truth they tried so desperately to forget. She loathed masks–although there were openings for one’s eyes, they always seemed to obstruct vision and convey an aura of mystery. There was no time for mystery.
She saw herself as an outsider: a girl who danced around the house to the Four Seasons, a girl who laughed a little too loud and cried a little too often, a girl who walked in the rain without an umbrella, a girl who wanted to connect with those around her, but somehow in her 18 years of experience, never figured out how.
Today, she wanted to connect. She wanted to laugh over stupid jokes, cry over life’s unfairness, listen intently, and love fearlessly. Today, she wanted to be human.